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This is not meant to be an all-encompassing list, nor is it meant to be a list of “must haves.” Rather, I wrote it as a selection of items which are all individually important in their own way, but not necessarily deal breakers.

◊♦◊ Sure, we can be realistic and acknowledge that you probably won’t have the same connection with our children as you might have with a child you carried for nine months and then birthed yourself; at least not for a long time.

But once I suddenly had her half the time, it became almost impossible for us to make plans together.

She had children too, so trying to balance both of our schedules and find evenings that we were both kid-free just put more and more stress on our relationship.

We don’t have time to waste in a relationship with someone who “tolerates” our kids. We don’t need you to fix anything or tell us what to do.

We just need you to reassure us that everything is going to work out.

Almost any potential mate can handle a child that is not their own coming to visit four days a month.

It isn’t that big of a disruption in day-to-day life.

Sure, we know you think we are great at it, but we need to hear it.When we did find time to see each other, we were both so exhausted from work and taking care of our children, that we barely had enough energy left to sit on the couch watching Netflix until we passed out.Needless to say, the communication and intimacy in our relationship quickly began to deteriorate.Easy or not, the majority of those four years, I was battling some fairly serious depression and anxiety due primarily to the minimal time I was able to spend with my daughter and the ongoing conflict with her mother.Because of this, finding a potential partner to have a serious relationship with was not a priority for me until about the time I began dating my last girlfriend.

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