Getting back into dating after a long relationship
Dating after a long-term, relatively successful relationship is tough on your emotions, even if you are anxious to "get back out there." You have to put your training wheels back on, but the terrain is completely different than you remember it. If you're fresh out of a relationship (like Dev) and don't know when, if, or how you should start dating again, here are some tips from Andrea Bonior, Ph D, a licensed clinical psychologist and relationship expert.Many people decide they're going to start dating immediately after a breakup in order to deal with their sadness, Dr. Lots of well-meaning friends might also coax you into going out with other single people or downloading a bunch of dating apps right away.She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.There are 16 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page."[Someone] might be worried that they don't have friends anymore now because of the breakup," she says.
When you have dating apps, you can get away with going on a first date with a different person every night, and it can turn into a sport. Bonior refers to this coping mechanism as "mask and distract," because the motivation is Doing this doesn't just hurt you — it's also pretty unfair to the people you're dating.
"Logistically, it feels strange, and you want to fill that hole," Dr. "They're looking for a facsimile or just the exact opposite of their partner," she says.
Even if you find someone who's happy to act like a pseudo-partner at first, expecting them to be just like your former partner is going to result in "undue expectations" for that person, Dr. "You have a lot of swirling feelings during this time, so it's usually more of a reaction to that than an actual connection with someone who works for you," she says.
The truth is, being single is pretty awesome: You get to do whatever you want, whenever you want, and your life is your own.
That said, sometimes after a period of singledom, you might feel like you want to (and are ready to) enter a relationship again.