Fear of intimacy among dating couples

The insecurity and unknown burrows into your brain like a parasite, constantly clawing at you and never relenting. You look for advice but nobody understands exactly what you’re going through, and you feel like you are alone. You can’t think of anyone else, you can’t do anything else. You live on the periphery of relationships, seeing others only as a means to an end. It is not necessary that both are felt, or to the same degree, but one of the two is present.

You hate the feelings of the unknown that cause the tightness in your chest, that choke your throat. The abandonments from the past hurt too much that you can’t sustain anything further. Avoiders believe that they can handle things themselves and shouldn’t rely on anyone else, especially in hard times when support is needed.

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Avoiders believe that they must rely on themselves alone to meet their own needs The buried traumas of the past let avoiders function pretty effectively in their daily lives, at least at the surface.

It’s easier just to deal with things themselves then risk that.

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For further information, including about cookie settings, please read our Cookie Policy .Complicating things is the fact that each person experiences their own set of emotions, and can think of each other as the abandoner or engulfer!In some cases the individual who distances themselves doesn’t notice, and the abandoner begins to feel like all the energy is coming from within to keep the relationship together.A case is built by the avoider to stop the relationship and to shut down their emotions, such as by being critical, finding faults in the other, and losing sexual interest. Asking certain questions can clarify this [1]: The emotion of love makes us feel vulnerable.As emotions go deeper the other person starts to tread on past wounds and any pain left over from past abandonments.

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